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The Canadian Pediatric Society offers some guidelines about effective ways to promote good behaviour in kids.
My daughter sometimes misbehaves by doing things like refusing to get dressed for preschool when I ask her. What is the best way to discipline her?
Despite every parent’s best efforts, there will be times when children act in a way that is not acceptable. The behaviour might be dangerous (to your child or others), inappropriate, or break a rule that you’ve clearly set out.
Discipline is really a way of guiding and teaching your child. The manner in which you discipline will depend on your child’s age, her stage of development, her personality and many other factors. Appropriate discipline will:
- protect your child from danger.
- help your child learn self-control and self-discipline.
- teach your child a sense of responsibility.
- instill values.
The Canadian Pediatric Society strongly discourages the use of physical punishment on children, including spanking.
Your child needs to see discipline as being fair. She should be able to respect your authority as the parent as well as the rights of other people.
Discipline that is inconsistent confuses children, regardless of their age, and they will find it hard to understand what message you are sending them.
It is important to let your child know the rules that promote good behaviour and your expectations of her. Remind her regularly about rules and limits, and make sure that they are appropriate for your child’s age and stage of development. Rules should also be explained with simple language and enforced firmly, respectfully and kindly. Also, make sure you:
- offer praise and affection regularly.
- plan transitions from one activity to the next, and talk to your child about them so she knows what to expect.
- offer limited and realistic choices that you can live with.
- accept mistakes.
- act as a role model. Practice what you preach.
When your child misbehaves, you can choose different ways of responding. Here are some approaches to consider:
Redirect to another activity
Redirection (when a bad activity is changed to a good activity) is useful for toddlers and sometimes for older children. For example, if your toddler wants to play with a breakable glass object on a hard kitchen floor, redirect her to a safe activity by trading the breakable object for a ball.
Explain to her what you don’t want her to do.
Use logical consequences
When redirection doesn’t work, apply clear consequences for the action. Consequences should be related to the behaviour. For example, if your older child throws food on the floor, make sure she helps you clean up the mess. When the mess is cleaned up, the consequence is over.
When there isn’t a clear consequence for the misbehaviour, you can take away a privilege. For young children this must happen right away. For example, a child who is playing too roughly can be made to play away from other children for a short time.
Encourage problem-solving
Allow your child to help find a solution for her misbehaviour, and she will be more likely to change her actions. Solving problems helps your child learn about the consequences of her behaviour.
Use time-outs
Time-outs are best for children who are at least 2 years old. Try counting to three slowly and without raising your voice before you give a time-out. Sometimes this will help your child change her behaviour.
Time-outs should take place in a safe, quiet corner or chair, away from others and without distractions. For an older child, it could mean going to her room for a quiet time. 
Briefly explain the reason for the time-out – “no hitting” – and send your child to the designated spot.
If she refuses, take her by the hand or carry her.
Time-outs should last one minute for every year of your child’s age, to a maximum of five minutes. Use a clock such as an oven timer. This way your child knows that the end of the time-out depends on the clock and not on you.
If she is having a temper tantrum, consider not starting the clock until your child settles down.
During time-out, ignore your child, even if she shouts or apologizes.
When the time-out is over, clear the air by offering a new activity. Don’t lecture about the behaviour.
Dr. Denis Leduc is a general pediatrician in the Montreal area. He is a Past President of the Canadian Pediatric Society.
For more information on your child’s growth and development, visit www.caringforkids.cps.ca or www.soinsdenosenfants.cps.ca.
